in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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