When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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