I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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