dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
