My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
