trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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