If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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