If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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