i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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