I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
