there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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