I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
