This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
