I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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