I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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