I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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