It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
