things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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