I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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