it hurts more in the daytime
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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