We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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