So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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