I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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