I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
