We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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