i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
