Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
