i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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