I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
