pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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