There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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