It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
