I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
