We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
