i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
