he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
