If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I came so hard my ears popped.
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