Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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