this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
