It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
