I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
