Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
