i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I believe in your delicious
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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