This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
