you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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