I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Actions speak louder than pants.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
