I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
