I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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