She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
