I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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