so explain again why im purple
no
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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